free willy

actually just free will, but the reference to a famous orca sure got your attention, yes?

Amazon Review Comedy

Searching for a new album from a favorite band, I somehow stumbled upon a book called How to Live with a Huge Penis.
I figured I should at least read a review to see if it's a real book.


After reading two reviews, I'm pretty sure this is a big joke.

Pharmaceuticals

What a deal!

-sent from Adam's friendly robot phone

test post, website 2.5

many thanks to Nick Merola for streamlining the navigation of my website.

Tampod, i mean TamPad, i mean iPad

Dear Steve Jobs,
It's kinda of insulting that such a frivolous piece of over-hyped, redundant technological shit would be released when so many people are having a hard enough time maintaining a steady job to pay the bills.
Come back on stage when you have a product with removable anything (battery, storage, etc) and/or when the battery life doesn't have to be measured in hours.
We're not made of electricity.
However, i do enjoy Stephen Colbert's obsession with the device, because it dovetails so nicely with his television persona.

netflix rating game part 31

part 31 of the new netflix rating game:
solution to part 30 is here.
congrats to Jmom for correctly identifying part 30.

netflix rating game part 30

part 30 of the new netflix rating game:
solution to part 29 is here.
congrats to Louis for correctly identifying part 29.

netflix rating game part 29

part 29 of the new netflix rating game:
solution to part 28 is here.
congrats to Adam Belanger for correctly identifying part 28.

meme truthiness

i really hope imdb is correct in its listing of Kill Bill Vol 3 and Machete.

netflix rating game part 28

part 28 of the new netflix rating game:

solution to part 27 is here.
congrats to Jmom for correctly identifying part 27.

James Cameron's Pocahont... I mean Avatar

Did anyone else notice that the horses in Avatar sound exactly like the raptors in Jurassic Park? I'm pretty sure it's the exact same audio.
It's not like the Wilhelm Scream where it's a generic kind of sound effect (that's now a joke). The raptor screech was specifically designed for that animal in the movie. You can't recycle a custom carnivore sound as a sc-fi horse squeal.
Come on Jim Cameron, you're better than that.
It was the only thing that bothered me more than the NaVi-sized basketball court on the military outpost. Not very fair to the other 99% of the humans (who don't use avatars).
This is not to say I didn't enjoy the movie. It was visually gorgeous, and the stereoscopic 3d only enhanced the richness without crossing the line into gimmicky and distracting.

netflix rating game part 27

part 27 of the new netflix rating game:
solution to part 26 is here.
congrats to Adam Belanger for correctly identifying part 26.

netflix rating game part 26

part 26 of the new netflix rating game:
solution to part 25 is here.
congrats to Adam Belanger for correctly identifying part 25.

netflix rating game part 25

part 25 of the new netflix rating game:
solution to part 24 is here.
congrats to JMom for correctly identifying both the title and the greatness of part 24's solution.

random animal generator

I thought this used some semblance of scientific prowess, until the applet loaded.

netflix rating game part 24

part 24 of the new netflix rating game:
solution to part 23 is here.
congrats to JMom for correctly identifying part 23.

netflix rating game part 23

part 23 of the new netflix rating game:

solution to part 22 is here.
congrats to Adam Belanger for correctly identifying part 22.
it was a tough one.

Slanguage

I love that the phrases "I'm down" and "hit that up" are used interchangeably, by me.

-sent from Adam's friendly robot phone

netflix rating game part 22

part 22 of the new netflix rating game:this one is slightly vague, but i can tell you that the robot does not actually die at the end.
great job netflix, ruining the movie for parents by telling them it's not an awesome ending.
sure, at first you think it's the end, but then you realize it's only the beginning.

solution to part 21 is here.

congrats to Adam Belanger for correctly identifying part 21, and for having almost as much spare time as i do.
oops, i mean i'm very busy at work and not at all detracting from my productivity with social networking and recreational blogging.

food

aside from the links on the right side of this website, you can use the dreaded twitter for locating some good grub. twitter has the added bonus of allowing businesses to get exclusive information out to a wide variety of people very efficiently. i am frequently alerted to great specials and events at my favorite locations, right on my phone.

netflix rating game part 21

part 21 of the new netflix rating game:solution to part twenty is here.

congrats to Adam Belanger for correctly identifying part twenty, and for having nothing better to do than read my blog.
seriously though, i'm glad to have followers outside my family.
(love you mom!)

netflix rating game part 20

part twenty of the new netflix rating game:this is pretty simple, so i will point out that "rape" was never implied in the bathroom assault scene. netflix, you are dirty.

solution to part nineteen is here.

congrats to Adam Belanger for correctly identifying part nineteen.

Snow and ice

Over 50cm of snow in the Philadelphia area means train delays, automobile accidents and unintentional ice skating. I should have tried a triple axle sowcow when I slid for a full metre on one boot.

-sent from Motorola Droid

sea kittens

Create Your Own Sea Kitten at peta.org!

great ad agency holiday card

so bad (on purpose) and the lyrics are great.

enjoy.

netflix rating game pt 19

part nineeen of the new netflix rating game:
solution to part eighteen is here.

congrats to L-time for correctly identifying part eighteen.

netflix rating game pt 18

part eighteen of the new netflix rating game:

solution to part seventeen is here.

congrats to killadelfkid for correctly identifying part seventeen.

new blog

warning: this website contains photos of cute animals and some strong language. viewer discretion is advised, but this is the internet so you will probably look anyway.

netflix rating game pt 17

part seventeen of the new netflix rating game:solution to part sixteen is here.

congrats to j for correctly identifying part sixteen.

netflix rating game pt 16

part sixteen of the new netflix rating game:solution to part fifteen is here.

congrats to killadelfkid for correctly identifying part fifteen.

netflix rating game pt 15

part fifteen of the new netflix rating game:solution to part fourteen is here.

congrats to J for correctly identifying part fourteen.

netflix rating game pt 14

part fourteen of the new netflix rating game:solution to part thirteen is here.

congrats to Anonymous for correctly identifying part thirteen.

netflix rating game pt 13

part thirteen of the new netflix rating game:solution to part twelve is here.

congrats to my mom for enjoying this almost as much as i do.

netflix rating game pt 12

part twelve of the new netflix rating game:
solution to part eleven is here.
congrats to "Roger Ebert" Fuller for sweeping the contest thus far.

netflix rating game pt 11

part eleven of the new netflix rating game:
solution to part ten is here.
congrats to "Gene Siskel" Fuller for sweeping the contest thus far.

netflix rating game pt 10

part ten of the new netflix rating game:
solution to part nine is here.
congrats to "Roger Ebert" Fuller for sweeping the contest thus far.

netflix rating game pt 9

part nine of the new netflix rating game:
solution to part eight is here.
congrats to "James Lipton" Fuller for sweeping the contest thus far.

netflix rating game pt 8

part eight of the new netflix rating game:
solution to part seven is here.

anthropomorphizing is funny

from left to right: offended tarsier, tarsier who just farted

commuter mind-wanderings

last week i had some ideas about negative mass and a theory of harnessing 'gravitational magnets' for more efficient space travel, but a conversation with a friend proved that i was probably a little too insane for my own good.

this morning i had another crazy thought:
Déjà vú is the awareness of interference between parallel universes, much like the crossing of telephone lines or radio stations.
For a few brief moments, we are in tune with the quantum frequency of another time path.
The phrase 'time line' denotes a linear progression, so it is inappropriate in this speculative context.

thanks to doctor michio kaku's writing for kindling this thought fire.

netflix rating game pt 7

part seven of the new netflix rating game:
solution to part six is here.

snacks

death rain? how can you feel alive when you're dead?
these chips need to pick a side.
quite tasty though, i'll give them that.

netflix rating game pt 6

part six of the new netflix rating game:
solution to part five is here.

netflix rating game pt 5

part five of the new netflix rating game:
i apologize for the typo in the above image but they are simply screenshots, sans manipulation.

solution to part four is here.

netflix rating game pt 4

part four of the new netflix rating game:
leave a comment if you know the above answer.

solution to part three is here.

netflix rating game pt 3

part three of the new netflix rating game:
they will get more difficult, so don't feel too special.
leave a comment if you know the above answer.

solution to part two is here.

netflix rating game pt 2

part two of the new netflix rating game.
they will get more difficult, so don't feel too special.

solution to part one is here.

netflix rating game pt 1

part one of the new netflix rating game.
they will get more difficult, so don't feel too special.
most humans born after Henry Ford's fourth birthday have seen this film, and it was released in 1975.
i've said too much!

solutions will be revealed at the end of the following round, and i will create a new round shortly after a correct answer is posted - by a reader's comment or by me - to keep things lively.

it is easy being green

part one of my two hundred seventy six part series,
"lazy for a better planet":
instead of buying new gift wrap, use recycled paper and bags.
many items are already sealed with countless layers of plastics, glues, paper products and other fastening objects, so just toss it in a nice little container.
maybe add some of that crunchy colorful stuffing paper for extra fun and do the scissor ribbon trick for fancy-shmancy curls.
little kids have enough trouble opening their gifts, and adults will appreciate your earth-friendly creativity.
also, it's great seeing people's reactions when they open a box from banana republic only to find a dvd inside.
tropic thunder director's cut? go ahead, try it on!

most viewed website

i am probably on amazon.com too much, but besides providing great deals and fast shipping, the website also maintains a vast quantity of laughable products and even funnier reviews.

i'm not really sure how i ended up looking at this product.
actually, i am.
i was trying the amazon android application on my phone by scanning the barcode on a pbr can to see if amazon sells the beer in bulk, and i was linked to a fake pbr can that was actually a small safe for money and jewelery, and a related product was this belt buckle.
yes, crazy.

friday entertainment

quick laugh.
quick scare.

jurassic park 4 would be worth watching if they included accurate representations of Utahraptors in all of their menacing glory.
for climbing, for killing or for both in the same five minutes, those claws are insane.

more helpful reviews

Reading reviews of software is always helpful. The decision to avoid Grocery List for my phone was made much easier by a small selection of customer reviews.
Some reviewers complained that the software behaves erratically, while others pointed out that it is just a sub par modification of the notepad software standard on the phone.
One review in particular sealed the deal for me:
"needs to have a way to make separate store lists.
one for grocery store and one for hardware store for example.
four stars"
if this software can't help me differentiate between grocery needs and hardware needs, i will definitely avoid it.
until an update is released, i guess i will be stuck inquiring about organic screwdrivers at whole foods and haggling over cheese prices at home depot.

unbiased disgust

i saw the movie 'battlefield earth' in theaters at age 14.
i did not go willingly, so let me explain why i went.
my friend's dad bought us advanced tickets for 'road trip' but when we arrived at the theater with our smuggled candy, we were not allowed in because of the age restriction. we were given tickets to the other movie playing, battlefield earth.
terrible movie, and terrible in the bad way.
at the age of 14, i was unaware of the ridiculousness of scientology, and i still hated the movie.
i was a huge fan of star wars and star trek, and somehow i knew that battlefield earth was completely stupid.

now i know why.

Bring me the stones

(Gary oldman voice)
"bring meh the shtones"

Whiskey stones feel nice and solid, are great for ancient desktop ruins and are just darned cute.
coming soon: a review of their proper use, after a few hours in freezing temperatures and a douse of bourbon or irish.

-sent from Motorola Droid

Subservient quadrupeds

Geordi would be proud.
The canine community would be ashamed.
I simply laugh.

-sent from Motorola Droid

hungry nerds

candy shopping on the internets.
i cannot make this stuff up.
amazon just hands it to me.

unbalanced and loving it

a recent online order demonstrated the following ratio:
shipping : item :: 400 : 1
this product would have cost between $5 & $15 at a physical store.
i await the negative part of online shopping.
don't say 'exercise' or 'identity theft' because those are lame choices.
i ride my bike a minimum of 3km every day, and my desk isn't real wood so i can't knock on it while disputing the second thought.

truth in advertising

thanks, i guess, for exposing your own scheme.

fun halloween images

above: mother wolf spider tending to her young. "you 200 kids better stop fighting or i'm turning this me around."
above: large spider on a ceiling, probably laughing maniacally as her offspring scurry about preparing to wreak havoc.
above: this guy's hand grosses me out more than the spider. it's so hairy.